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Lil Poopy - Coke Ain’t A Bad Word (2012)

Flashback to the late 1800s. Back then, rich dudes could adopt lil kids as apprentices on some Oliver Twist shit. Dudes would go down to the orphanage, pick out a kid, dress him in a lil pirate shirt and some stockings, and then put his ass to work. Orphanages were trying to flip kids with the vigor of an African on Canal Street with his last imitation Gucci bag, so lil dudes were just getting straight sold off to become coal miners, chimney sweeps, and all kinds of other shit kids should not be fucking around with. Fast forward to 2012, and French Montana signs nine year old Lil Poopy as the newest member of the Coke Boys. Coke Ain’t A Bad Word is Poopy’s first tape, and for the first (and last) time ever, we might be able to describe French Montana as “on some Charles Dickens shit”.

If you can get over the Dickensian aspect of a kid without his two front teeth rapping about selling coke—and that’s a big if—Coke Ain’t A Bad Word is actually a pretty good mixtape in the classic sense of mixtapes (15 or so of the hottest instrumentals out right now cut down to a verse and chorus). Clearly Poopy doesn’t actually write his rhymes, because if he did it’s be a mixtape about how much he loves Cartoon Network and how he can’t wait for Halo 4 to come out. If nine year old rappers start rapping about that what will stoned internet rappers make bandcamp albums about? Whoever does write for Lil Poopy (Coke Boys collectively?) is having a lot of fun writing rhymes for a nine year old. The rhymes throwback to the days when every mixtape rapper rhymed like Fabolous, re: there’s a mildly clever punchline at the end of almost every line. There’s also a lot of talk of flossing and drug dealing, but also celebrations of doing really well in school—one would think those things are mutually exclusive but as Stringer Bell showed us in The Wire occasionally it’s possible.

The real selling point of the tape though is the high levels of unintentional humor, like Poopy’s voice being screwed, and instead of him sounding like a demon, he sounds like a convincing 13 year old. There’s also Poopy offering to get his teacher into the V.I.P (of the playground?). We can’t forget the entirety of the “Age Aint Nothin But A #” freestyle (shoutout to Aaliyah and Kels), and an adlib in “The Motto” where Lil Poopy drops the line “O-M-G, daddy look at her butt, Poopy!!!”. That last line reminded me of a time when a dude said a chick had an ass so fat, she “walked like she just shit her pants”. To this day I cannot decipher if that was an insult, a compliment, or peculiarly astute observation of a unicorn unique physique.

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